Being an Ally…My Story

By Ann Nixon Dagley, Director of Residence Life
Vincennes University

My Story

I was invited to write an article about being an ally so long ago that I couldn’t remember when I was first approached. I found my notes on that conversation, but as usual I failed to document the date. Now the article is due in three days! What was the hold-up?

Foremost, I kept getting hung up on the way to present the information. Consistently, my question was how to approach my audience about being an ally. Did I want to educate (present information on the benefits of inclusion), preach (do unto others?) or provide data (one out of every ten individuals)? With time on my hands last week waiting to see the doctor, I finally started jotting down some thoughts using the old tried and true method of "brainstorming."

Anyway, here it is. If you are reading this, you might be interested in gay, lesbian, bisexual or transsexual issues. Perhaps you are new to a residence life staff and checking out online resources. You could be looking for a perspective on the GLBT issue that is not personally threatening. For whatever your reason to read this, my reason for writing is to tell you my story. Every ally has one.

My career in residence life began when I was single and the director of an all female hall. After several years, it became an urban legend that I was a lesbian (kind of the single-female gym teacher phenomena). Here is where I walked my mile in another person’s shoes. I can tell you I didn’t like the way some students, faculty and staff treated me. There was disregard, exclusiveness, rudeness, and disrespect. I spent my time teaching my staff about acceptance, inclusiveness, politeness and respect while learning the battles of being ostracized and segregated from the community.

While attending a conference program in 1990, I went to a session that caught my interest, "Dare to Make a Difference". The presenter, Maura Cullen, is a well-known educational consultant in the field of housing and residence life. I went to that session and my life has never been the same. Sounds pretty dramatic, doesn’t it?

During Maura’s presentation, my "voice" emerged along with the courage to stand up as an ally for a maligned and seemingly invisible population. My advocacy began much like some GLBT persons "come out" with lots of enthusiasm, sometimes with little tact, and maybe a touch over-bearing. Over the years, I’ve refined "my act" a bit and am more inclusive of the ways people support differences. Then and now, it is my goal to give validation to those who feel invalidated.

Being An Ally

We each have our own path. Let me encourage you to take your journey to be an ally.

• Go to an activity, attend a meeting or participate in a social event you otherwise might skip. My guess is that the next day you will see some of the same people across campus. This time when you say "hey" there will be eye contact rather than a turned head or downcast eyes.
  
  
• Include the GLBT person in your social life (bowling, ball games, and going to movies are "cross-cultural" activities).
  
  
• You can befriend the GLBT person in a class, in your residence hall or dining center.
  
  
• You can walk to class together or share a library table or include the GLBT person in your study group.
  
  
• You can confront those around you who are "making fun" or being rude or harassing, regardless of whether this takes place in a GLBT person’s presence or not. Actions really do speak louder than words.
  

By being an ally, you value and respect those who are more often excluded than included, those who are "invisible" to others, and those who are denounced.

To me, it’s a matter of energy. If you know it takes more facial muscles to frown than smile consider the following: which would be easier?

Hate	Compassion
Enemy	Associate
Viciousness	Kindness
Fear	Acceptance
Alienate	Include
Judge	Embrace
Ignore	Recognize

You’ve probably heard these catch phrases and buzzwords: inclusiveness, recognize differences, and value the individual contribution. All in all, however, it remains a very personal choice to know others outside your individual circle. Making your way into the world of advocacy isn’t always easy but it is a wonderful journey. My last eleven years have been liberating, exhilarating, and fascinating. I’ve broadened my friendships and forged professional alliances. By making my choice to be an ally, I’ve gained respect in my professional community and achieved credibility among all my peers. I hope you will make the choice to be an ally and begin your personal journey.

I’ll conclude with my favorite quote:

"There’s a destiny that makes us brothers/sisters. None go their way alone. All that we send into the lives of others, comes back into our own." – author unknown.

About the Author

Ann Nixon Dagley is the Director of Residence Life at Vincennes University, Vincennes, Indiana. VU, a two-year institution, is the oldest college west of the Alleghenies and north of the Ohio founded in 1801. Ann has been at Vincennes University since 1981 and now oversees staff selection, training, and programming. She is active in GLACUHO (Great Lakes Association of College and University Housing Officers) and ACUHO-I (Association of College and University Housing Officers International) having presented at both association conferences.