Dealing with A Problem...Information to Help Parents Understand Housing Administrators

Remember that we really are on your side!

By Ralph Carrasquillo
Director of Residence Life
Philadelphia University

Working in residence life for over 17 years has exposed me to many different kinds of phone contacts with family members. The majority of contact goes very well, but I can't say that all interactions with parents go well 100% of the time. Through my years of experience I have learned that in most instances both parents and housing administrators share a common interest - to help their family member.

We are on your side. Still, there are many things that can contribute to some adversarial feelings between housing administrators and parents. One issue is that by the time you are calling us you are probably feeling that you want something to change and you want it to change very quickly. You may be concerned that we won't be willing to listen. This may be exacerbated by the many questions that housing administrators will typically ask about what your student has done to try and resolve the problem. As part of the learning that occurs through living in a residence hall, housing administrators encourage students to attempt to resolve their problems first, prior to staff intervention. This is sometimes frustrating for parents who want a problem resolved immediately.

It may seem at points that we're avoiding stated issues like, "My son is in absolutely the worst roommate situation you can imagine and I want something done about it NOW!" Sometimes the best thing that can be done "NOW" may be identifying how your student can work to resolve their individual problem. So be patient with us, please. When we explore with you your perceptions on the problems that you student is experiencing, understand that we aren't trying to point out where your student has gone wrong. We may simply be trying to get the best and most complete information on the problem, so we can begin the problem resolution process.

Talking with you may also give us a sense of how our staff is handling the many challenging situations that arise in the residence hall environment.

Another thing to keep in mind that it is fairly typical for students to use their parents as sounding boards for complaints or things that needs fixing. Often, students will share good time talk with friends, because after all who wants to hang out with a complainer? And who better to complain to than mom or dad, because they'll at least listen! That's actually a compliment to you as parents but doesn't make dealing with "us" any easier. So, spend the majority of time on the phone listening as opposed to giving advice, and if you think of it, ask your student to balance out their problems with things that they are enjoying or have been pleasantly surprised by. For instance, " So your roommate is giving you a tough time. Are there other people on the floor that you find you get along with?" Now you have listened to their concerns and found out some good stuff too.

Finally, we want your student to have a good experience in our halls, and we want this time to contribute to their overall educational experience. As difficult as they sometimes may be, the challenges that are faced with from time to time in the halls are a large part of that outside of the classroom "learning" experience. As you know the more difficult the challenge, usually the more satisfaction to be gained from resolving it. Even though it may sound like an incredible hardship for your student, it is sometimes best to let them work through a problem on their own, verses rescuing them.

So before you call, remember to give us a chance to listen and assess the problem your student is experiencing, and remember that your call may be the first that we are hearing about your student's problem.

About the Author

Ralph Carraquillo has been the Director of Residence Life at Philadelphia University since 1996. Prior to this position he worked at the State University New College at Oneonta and Kutztown University in various positions, including the position of Director of Residence Hall Operations. Ralph has over 18 years experience working in residence life and housing.