"So, When Can I Expect To Hear From You?"
Communication Between Parents and Universities

By Mary-Beth Cooper
Associate Vice-President and River Campus Dean of Students
University of Rochester

Each summer the University of Rochester holds an Orientation Program for both students and their families. And every year at the opening parent session someone asks: So, when can I expect to hear from you? The truth is, the majority of parents in the audience are not completely satisfied with the answer I currently provide.

Let me give some context for the question. My role at the University of Rochester is to manage many of the nonacademic issues that students experience during their college years. Probably of most interest for many of our parents is the area of student conduct, which my office oversees. Without a doubt, dealing with behavioral issues can be the most challenging part of my workday. And whether or not to contact a student's parent is a decision I must face, especially if the situation is a serious one. The million-dollar question becomes: How do parents and the institutions their sons/daughters attend come to terms with the communication of information regarding their child's (the student's) experience? Unfortunately, there is not a simple answer to this question. Indulge me while I articulate why the question is so complex.

During the Parent Orientation Session, my first task it to offer congratulations to the parents on the successful recent graduation of their child from high school. Next, I commend them for making the terrific choice to send their student to Rochester (okay, so I am a bit biased!). What I have realized over my 15 years of working with parents is that probably the most unsettling things for parents in regard to sending their child to college is that for the first time in their child's educational experience, they feel out of the loop. And in so many ways, there is good reason for this feeling. Below you can see a model that illustrates the shift from secondary education to the world of higher education.

The role transition component is depicted utilizing a triangle with the three players as equals: the Institution, Parents/Guardians and Students. Secondary schools (as well as primary school systems) focus on the partnership between parents and the school system as the foundation of a successful student. Examples of this are Parent/Teacher Associations, Athletic Booster Clubs, Parent/Teacher conferences, Field Days or any other special events that ask for parent volunteers. The fundamental message to parents and guardians is that the more involved and invested the parents are, the more successful the student will be in school. A different model operates at higher education institutions. As depicted in the model, college and universities begin to focus on the student as the main player, shifting parents/guardians to the side. And parents tell us they can feel the shift and ...they just don't like it.

So, what is the solution? What is the appropriate level of contact from institutions to parents on issues facing their children? The shift in how and to whom information is directed (plus how frequently this happens) is what many parents want to know. The key difference seems to be that institutions, for the most part, systematically are treating these young people as adults. The transition from adolescent to young adult differs for every individual. Some college students come to our campuses ready to make their own decisions, have the confidence to deliver them and to navigate the college experience without difficulty. Others are less prepared and haven't developed the skill set to articulate their needs and maneuver new terrain. It essentially comes down to how prepared the student is for the experience that lies ahead. From as simple as doing one's own laundry, to choosing a major that may lead to a career someday, students are making choices and decisions on a daily basis. It becomes more complicated as they decide whether to consume alcohol and/or other drugs, how intimate to become with significant others and even the simple decision on whether to attend those early morning classes. Institutions, like Rochester, provide extensive support and resources to assist students through these challenges. Part of our responsibility is to help students make the best possible choices and to provide support to them when they don't.

So, as a parent, when can you expect to be contacted by the institution? The response will differ from institution to institution, but a safe bet is that most institutions won't contact you unless the situation is considered an emergency and administrators, like myself, believe it is in the best interest of the student to do so. We do, however, encourage students to contact parents in times of extreme stress or when we believe it is important to for them to have family support.

A number of years ago, a few colleagues of mine and I, plotted out the most typical paths of communication from parents to institutions. What we described is the numerous ways communication can happen among students, staff and their families.

Communication Flow (Explanation of Diagram):

Yellow: student either directly or indirectly communicates a concern that their parent/guardian brings to the institution; parent/guardian does not want their child to know that they have contacted the institution.

Purple: student directly asks their parent/guardian to contact the institution for them, usually in a problem solving mode. Institution responds back to the parent and the student.

Green: Institution wants student to do something and asks for parental intervention or communication from institution on general college policies and procedures.

Red: Ideal State. A free flow of communication occurs regularly between institution, student and parents/guardians.

This model makes clear that although parents are welcome to contact the institution, the most helpful way for students to develop decision making skills and the ability to assert their independence is for them to take the first step in resolving issues. The goal of administrators at most institutions is to partner with the parents in helping the student mature, gain a set of decision making skills and the confidence to live independently outside of the college setting.

About the Author

Mary-Beth Cooper is currently the Associate Vice-President and River Campus Dean of Students at the University of Rochester. Dean Cooper works with the nonacademic issues that face students at Rochester and has worked in higher education since 1985. Dr. Cooper holds master degrees in education and in business administration and a doctorate in higher education.