Healthy Relationships: Can you Feel the Love?

Submitted by Mandy Wimm, Conestoga College

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Trust and Support: Supporting each other's goals in life, and respecting each other's right to his/her own feelings, opinions, friends, activities and interest. It includes valuing one's partner as an individual.

Shared Responsibility: Making family/relationship decisions together, mutually agreeing on a distribution of work which is fair to both partners. If parents, the couple shares parental responsibilities and acts as positive, non-violent role models for the children.

Economic Partnership: In marriage or cohabitation, making financial decisions together, and making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements.

Negotiation and Fairness: Being willing to compromise, accepting change, and seeking mutually satisfying solutions to conflict.

Non-threatening Behaviour: Talking and acting in a way that promotes both partners' feelings of safety in the relationship. Both should feel comfortable and safe in expressing him/herself and in engaging in activities.

Safety: In a healthy relationship you feel safe. You don't worry that your partner will harm you physically or emotionally, and you don't feel inclined to use physical or emotional violence against your partner. You can try new things (such as taking a night class) or change your mind about something (such as engaging in a sexual activity that makes you feel uncomfortable) without fearing your partner's reaction.

Honesty: You don't hide anything important from your partner, and can express your thoughts without fear of censure or ridicule. You can admit to being wrong. You resolve disagreements by talking honestly.

Acceptance: You and your partner accept each other as you are. You appreciate your partner's unique qualities (such as shyness or emotionality). You don't try to "fix" them - if you don't like your partner's qualities, you may want to examine your motivations for being with them.\

Respect: You think highly of each other. You do not feel superior or inferior to your partner in important ways. You respect each other's right to have separate opinions and ideas. This doesn't mean you have to tolerate everything your partner does or does not do (such as refusing to get help for a drinking problem). Setting limits is a sign of self-respect. Also involves attempting to understand and affirm the other's emotions.

Enjoyment: A healthy relationship isn't just about how two people treat each other - it also has to be enjoyable. In a healthy relationship, you feel energized and alive in your partner's presence. You can play and laugh together. You have fun.

Commitment

Positive Self Esteem

Mutual/separate goals and interests

Communication

Equality: no one is the boss.

Basic Rights in a Relationship